The shit strikers thread

Leewilson

Well-Known Member
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
3,924
Likes
1,710
Supports
Dagenham and Redbridge
Thread starter #1
Has pre-season optimism taken a turn for the worse after your manager foolishly thought their new striker was the club's saviour?

Did you splash out on Shamir Mullings? Or maybe it was Harry Panayiotou? Has your gaffer had a case of the 'Quigleys', be it Joe or Scott? Perhaps an opening day goal from someone like Jake Cassidy has blinded you to this striker's ineptitude - don't say we didn't warn you!

This thread is to celebrate the shiteness of those strikers who make football look like a possible career for us mere mortals.

Please post your best memories, clips and general funnies of those strikers who just aren't very good.

I personally look forward to updating this thread on a weekly basis with a dose of Joe Quigley. Below is your first instalment.
 

Leewilson

Well-Known Member
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
3,924
Likes
1,710
Supports
Dagenham and Redbridge
Thread starter #3
Picture the scene...

You're 1-0 down at home to Woking on the opening day of the season. Moussa Diarra, Manny Parry and several other giants are blundering around the pitch heading and kicking every moving object in sight. Your manager decides that long ball is therefore a good option... The game is scrappy, there are no chances, but SUDDENLY....your one player with a semblance of ability, Angelo Balanta, picks up the ball. He whips in a great low cross to the onrushing JOE QUIGLEY. He's six yards out and unmarked. All the fans are waiting for the net to ripple. We're back in the game. It's 1-1. We've scored. We've.....We've.....We've been fucking Quigley-ed!!!!

5:30 below

 

springerbfc

Active Member
Messages
436
Likes
105
Supports
Barnet
#4
Ha why didn't he side foot it?

Not the worst miss you'll ever see but still, got to hit the target from there.
 

MWS

Active Member
Messages
335
Likes
55
Location
United Kingdom
Supports
Stockport County
#6
Jake Cassidy played very well against us on Saturday! Won a lot in the air and held up the ball often by himself.

Seems we played Maidenhead at the wrong time!
 

Soup Ladle

Well-Known Member
Messages
1,978
Likes
1,024
Supports
Hartlepool
#9
Jake Cassidy played very well against us on Saturday! Won a lot in the air and held up the ball often by himself.

Seems we played Maidenhead at the wrong time!
That must be his first meaningful contribution in at least 3 years then.
 

Raymondo316

Well-Known Member
Messages
2,164
Likes
910
Location
Maidstone
Supports
Maidstone United
#10
I've only seen him play 3 times but I already know I'm not gonna be a fan of Jonny Edwards. The bloke seems to run around a lot but never looks like actually scoring.
 

AJS

Active Member
Messages
169
Likes
30
Location
Halifax
Supports
Halifax
#11
I've only seen him play 3 times but I already know I'm not gonna be a fan of Jonny Edwards. The bloke seems to run around a lot but never looks like actually scoring.
I did warn you. Seems a nice lad and tries hard but finds himself offside or is too passive in front of goal. How we got a fee for him I'll never know.
 

Monkey Tennis

Well-Known Member
Messages
2,252
Likes
932
Location
Barra
Supports
Bluebirds
#13
We have a Quigley and a Byron Harrison. There's some hope that Harrison will be able to pull himself out of this thread, but I'm not convinced.

Panayiotou is shit, and Inih Effiong would probably be worthy of a mention.
 

Luke Imp

Well-Known Member
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
8,520
Likes
2,054
Location
Lincoln
Supports
Lincoln City
#14
Did Wrexham have Kevin Gall when they were down here? He'll have probably made it onto their list. Probably not the worst striker they'll have ever had but all he did was run around like a headless chicken.

He was like a dog chasing a crisp packet in the wind.
 
Messages
72
Likes
12
Location
Wom
Supports
Port Vale
#15
It strikes me that we have had 3 of the above mentioned, at the Vale. Perry, Scott Quigley and Kevin Gall have about 50 appearances between them for us without troubling the net.
 

Master D

Well-Known Member
Messages
5,074
Likes
2,238
Location
Wrexham
Supports
The Natural Order
#16
Did Wrexham have Kevin Gall when they were down here? He'll have probably made it onto their list. Probably not the worst striker they'll have ever had but all he did was run around like a headless chicken.

He was like a dog chasing a crisp packet in the wind.
We did but I'd literally forgotten he existed until you said.

Simon Brown is one of the worst we've had down here I would say, in our very first season, ex Mansfield striker. Absolute dirt he was.
 

DontBringBertie

Well-Known Member
Messages
1,211
Likes
425
Supports
Woking
#17
Joe Quigley actually started off fairly well for us when he was on loan but lost his confidence soon after and ended up looking like a Sunday league player by the end of his spell. Much like on Saturday.

If you think his miss at the weekend was bad - have a look at Jayden Stockley’s for us against Wrexham (8:25 in). He’s turned out ok...

 

Master D

Well-Known Member
Messages
5,074
Likes
2,238
Location
Wrexham
Supports
The Natural Order
#18
Joe Quigley is the undisputed one to beat in this thread. He's only 22 and has played for 8 different clubs at this level alone, not to mention clubs above and below here and as far as I'm aware he's been useless for every single one.
 

Raymondo316

Well-Known Member
Messages
2,164
Likes
910
Location
Maidstone
Supports
Maidstone United
#19
You just need to look at some of the terrible forwards we had at National level to see why we struggled so much.

Liam Enver Marum
Tom Murphy
George Oakley
Delano Sam Yorke
Greg Luer
Darius Osei
Joe Quigley
Shamir Mullings
Jake Cassidy
Elliot Romain

Depressing to think that our then managers hyped up Cassidy, Mullings & Quigley to be ''big signings'' who would score us goals.
 
Last edited:

EnglishRed

Well-Known Member
Messages
3,061
Likes
1,256
Location
Flintshire UK
Supports
Wrexham
#21
We've had some rotten strikers. Mostly ones signed by Gary Mills.

Michael Bakare
Callum Powell
Khaellem Bailey Nicholls
Simon Ainge
Dele Adebola
Mark Beck
Joe Quigley
Ntumbu Massanka
John Cofie
Patrick Suffo
Lamine Sakho
Tyler Harvey

And I've been generous and not included some peoples. And others I've forgotten about. The above list counts for about 5 goals between them.
 
Last edited:

MWS

Active Member
Messages
335
Likes
55
Location
United Kingdom
Supports
Stockport County
#22
Last time we were in this division we signed an unknown striker called Adnan Cirak because he'd scored a few goals in some sort of 5 a side competition in Sweden.

He was absolutely useless, although he did score against Hartlepool!
 

JaredSUFC

Well-Known Member
Messages
1,494
Likes
386
Location
Swansea
Supports
Sutton United FC
Twitter
@suttonjared
#24
We have a strikers curse at Sutton, most of the strikers, even the highly rated ones or ones with decent reputations tend to forget how to find the back of the net when they end up in SM1. Last season was special with Gimi Toure, Jonah Ayunga and Brett Williams all being duds (of course Ayunga and Toure scored against us at the first opportunity). Normally we have a good spread of goals across the squad but not last season.
 

iesty wfc

Well-Known Member
Messages
1,102
Likes
111
Supports
Wrexham
#26
We've had some rotten strikers. Mostly ones signed by Gary Mills.

Michael Bakare
Callum Powell
Khaellem Bailey Nicholls
Simon Ainge
Dele Adebola
Mark Beck
Joe Quigley
Ntumbu Massanka
John Cofie
Patrick Suffo
Lamine Sakho
Tyler Harvey

And I've been generous and not included some peoples. And others I've forgotten about. The above list counts for about 5 goals between them.
honourable mention to Sakho for bringing his Hummer over from France and driving it around Wrexham, and getting sent off for a great headbutt

you have of course though, missed off the best shit striker we have had in non league, and he was one of our own.... Obi Anuruo. it culminated in this amazing write up about him on Sky Sport Scout

https://www.skysports.com/football/news/15198/5423991/sky-sports-scout-obi-anoruo
 

EnglishRed

Well-Known Member
Messages
3,061
Likes
1,256
Location
Flintshire UK
Supports
Wrexham
#29

MWS

Active Member
Messages
335
Likes
55
Location
United Kingdom
Supports
Stockport County
#30
honourable mention to Sakho for bringing his Hummer over from France and driving it around Wrexham, and getting sent off for a great headbutt

you have of course though, missed off the best shit striker we have had in non league, and he was one of our own.... Obi Anuruo. it culminated in this amazing write up about him on Sky Sport Scout

https://www.skysports.com/football/news/15198/5423991/sky-sports-scout-obi-anoruo
Obi Anuruo was one of Jim Gannon's first signings when he returned to EP for his current spell as we were desperately lacking in goals. Anuruo was pretty decent in the NLN and had a good scoring record considering he was used as an impact player most of the time.
 

Forum statistics

Threads
14,723
Messages
897,123
Members
4,970
Latest member
Aeneas