Your Funeral

[Indian Dan]

Been pestered lately by some fucker trying to sell me funeral insurance - do they know something I don't?

Anyway, it got me thinking about what sort of funeral I'd like.

First, and most important, I need to be actually dead. I want to be laid out in a clown suit - with squirty flower and those big, flappy shoes.

Music - Who Wants to Live Forever (Queen), Shaddup Your Face (Joe Dolce) and Fire (Crazy World of Arthur Brown).

And finally get scattered in the penalty at the CG - only if cremated, though.

There, I can sleep contently at night now.

 

[JaseTheVillain]

Don't give a shit. I'm dead. Dump me in a fucking canal for all I care.

 

[Stevencc]

Is that a traditional Indian funeral or something, Dan?

 

[Murphy]

I'd really want 'Wonderful Life' by Black played at my funeral. Other than that I've not really thought about it.

 

[Craig]

I want them to play 'My Way' by Sinatra at my funeral. I've always considered myself a bit of a trailblazer and that is just one of my original ideas. It's just so me.

Any of you fuckers steal that idea and I swear on my grave I'll come and piss on yours.

 

[Indian Dan]

Is that a traditional Indian funeral or something, Dan?

Well, I was going to opt for the funeral pyre but I don't trust my family to ensure I'm actually dead.

The Parsi tribe in India dispose of bodies by hanging them naked from a tree and letting the vultures pick the body clean before interring the bones.

 

[Martino Quackavelli]

i like the idea of the himalayan sky funeral where they make a couple key incisions in your (dead) body and let the eagles eat u. so u live forever in the sky which is an amazingly beautiful idea. i also like the viking funeral though and have been planning the shots and mise en scene for my life movie as my burning barge sinks in the english channel. ideally i'd combine the two, which isn't easy. birds, i believe, won't eat a burning corpse so what i'd do is i'd starve the birds and then release them as the burning barge containing my body drifts off to sea. will look great on camera as birds start eating me off the sinking vessel and some birds catch fire and the rest of me sinks to the sea. i'll live on in the fish and the birds, my soul at one with the sky and water. beautiful. obviously there are some h&s concerns like what if the birds prefer live flesh? i think it'll have to be conducted by webcam for those reasons

 

[PaulHaddock]

Don't give a shit. I'm dead. Dump me in a fucking canal for all I care.

Shit. Now where am I going to hide you?

 

[Martino Knockavelli]

so u live forever in the sky which is an amazingly beautiful idea

Hipster funeral.

 

[JimJams]

Trouble is Mant if someone then later goes fishing around your funeral area you could end up in some fat bloke called Gerald.

Not quite as poetic.

 

[mowgli]

Cremated with my ashes spread in Glastonbury Abbey ruins as i love it in there. Music would be John Lee Hooker - One Bourbon,One Scotch,One beer and Pink Floyd - Comfortably numb. Just hoping i've got a few more years yet.

 

[George Reilly's Hairpiece]

Great euphemisms of out time # 43

if someone then later goes fishing around your funeral area

 

[smat]

Don't give a shit. I'm dead. Dump me in a fucking canal for all I care.

Please don't.

 

[Meadow]

TBH, I don't really care. Funerals are for those left behind anyway which is why I'd not block a Christian funeral as it would upset my very devout brother and my not so devout but believer husband. I would stipulate that no-one should be put under pressure to do a eulogy - I did it for both my parents and it was hard work.

I keep meaning to look into donating my body to science to save on the expense though.

 

[claret50]

The simplest funeral possible, (Family only) basically have the coffin/wicker casket taken to the crematorium with the ashes being returned to the family, any funeral notice to appear in the newspaper 2 days later.

 

[JimJams]

Not much notice for the funeral if it comes 2 days after the event. Playing tricks on the mourners you cruel bastard!

I approve.