THE ASHES

177/5 with Paine & Smith at the crease

Anderson and Broad bowling beautifully, what's new?

And just as I say that Jimmy starts clutching his side...

He needs that female commentator to give him a gentle massage during lunch.

I'm not rate happy about Woakes playing. Bit of a nothing player really, he's not a big striker bowler or a big run maker.

Tremendous nerve shown by Stoneman this morning, fair play. I think we let them get too many but a couple of partnerships and we’ll be right in this.

Super_horns said:

Cook seems off form at the moment.

Real captain's innings from Smith - might well mean we have to bat out for a draw?​

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Sort of at the stage where we can't really win imo. If we bat 4 sessions more than likely will be a draw and if we get bowled out tommorrow it will more than likely be a loss. Hopefully we can bat all day tommorrow at least

The batting collapses are beyond laughable at times. 160 in front with 4 wickets left and within about 15 minutes were all out ffs. 1-0 down now unless we produce in Adelaide we all know what's coming. And if we do lose 5-0 to this Australian team that would be catastrophic.

Now reports that Barstow nutted one of theirs 4 weeks ago in perth, you're not telling me it's coincidence that this comes out just as we are about to lose. Sure the ecb in cricket , fa in football do this shit on purpose me every time there is a major series/tournament.

Have they had "tea" yet?

An England cricketer headbutted an Australian cricketer in a bar in Perth FOUR WEEKS AGO and the ECB break the news....not a randomer on Twitter, not the British newspapers, not the Aussie media? 4 weeks ago?!

Jonathan Agnew‏Verified account @Aggerscricket 27m27 minutes ago
I understand from the camp that Bairstow and Bancroft were having a drink together. Their heads met. They carried on drinking together. More ammo for accusations of a drink culture, but this will not help relations between the teams. #Ashes2017

Weird.

RavenBish said:

An England cricketer headbutted an Australian cricketer in a bar in Perth FOUR WEEKS AGO and the ECB break the news....not a randomer on Twitter, not the British newspapers, not the Aussie media? 4 weeks ago?!

Jonathan Agnew‏Verified account @Aggerscricket 27m27 minutes ago
I understand from the camp that Bairstow and Bancroft were having a drink together. Their heads met. They carried on drinking together. More ammo for accusations of a drink culture, but this will not help relations between the teams. #Ashes2017

Weird.

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They're a fucking joke, a complete an utter disgrace, why release it now just as were about to lose infact why release it at all you set of stuck up posh wankers

Wasn't without encouragement but once on the back foot we just completely fell to pieces. Doesn't bode well.

Hard to see how we're going to take 20 wickets when they know they just have to see off Anderson and Broad. The rest need to step up, Woakes particularly. Not sure Ball cuts it at Test level tbh but there's not exactly many waiting in the wings, wouldn't fancy Overton to make much of an impact either in all honesty. Whispers the ECB are monitoring Wood's fitness.... might be our only option. Shame Plunkett's injured, but then he doesn't seem to be favoured in the longer format anyway. We're really struggling for depth in the pace department when you think about it, lots of much of a muchness seamers who'll do alright in England but you wouldn't fancy to do much anywhere else. God knows what we'll do when the big two retire. And hopefully they're right about Ali not quite being fully fit, it was like he was bowling on a different pitch to Lyon.

Batting wise we know the tail is going to get blown away so we need to take more responsibility when we get in and go big, but that's been the case for years. We should've made 400 in the first innings and then it's a different game, but you can count on your fingers the number of 400+ totals we've made since the last Ashes tour. Staggering stat on Root: 16 half centuries in the 2nd innings' of Tests...and only one ton. Just imagine what his average would be if he was actually ruthless!

We've been good at bouncing back from defeat lately (we're well practiced!) and we do have the ability to beat this Aussie side, but the manner in which we crumbled here and how previous tours have gone... can't help but feel another whitewash is on the cards. Bearing in mind this pitch didn't really suit their bowlers. Pray I'm wrong. Hopefully they'll be more movement in Adelaide with the pink ball but you can't rely on that in Australia.

Our senior batsmen need a look at themselves to be honest. I'll forgive Vince for getting out on 83 due to international experience and he's an old opening partner. But Cook/Root and Bairstow should have stood up this game. We needed someone to score a 100 that second innings, we didn't get it.

Australia were in a far worse position than us in the first innings and what happened? Their skipper stood up and scored the runs. Stokes counter attacking batting was massively missed in that second innings.

It's going to be a long tour if we don't get someone in the runs.

Stoneman/Malan and Vince have outplayed Root/Cook/Ali (Batting) and Bairstow so far and that isn't what we expected.

As good an innings it was, Steve Smith's century isn't what did for us.

Allowing a number 9 to score 42 runs and allowing the tail to hang around for over 3 hours and give Smith the time to score 141 was the problem. That's on the bowlers. If we were more ruthless with the ball, Smith wouldn't have got close to that score. (As obvious as that sounds)

As has already been said, we lack pace. Jimmy is not suited to Australia, I don't really see what Ball offers the side with either the bat or the ball.

Spoke to a friend who's in Brisbane who says Wood has been bowling at 90mph in the nets over there. If he's anywhere close to 100%, bring him in. Far more dangerous with the ball and can bat.

Stick Stokes on the next flight out of Heathrow, get Wood in and away we go.

Bobbin' said:

As good an innings it was, Steve Smith's century isn't what did for us.

Allowing a number 9 to score 42 runs and allowing the tail to hang around for over 3 hours and give Smith the time to score 141 was the problem. That's on the bowlers. If we were more ruthless with the ball, Smith wouldn't have got close to that score. (As obvious as that sounds)

As has already been said, we lack pace. Jimmy is not suited to Australia, I don't really see what Ball offers the side with either the bat or the ball.

Spoke to a friend who's in Brisbane who says Wood has been bowling at 90mph in the nets over there. If he's anywhere close to 100%, bring him in. Far more dangerous with the ball and can bat.

Stick Stokes on the next flight out of Heathrow, get Wood in and away we go.

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And Jack Leach...

It's just the Aussies getting under our skin, and our daft press are happily helping them do that.

Which is exactly what they want to do!

I wonder if we'd get away with a "friendly headbutt" on a night out?

Credit to the Aussies in a way for not making more of it.

Super_horns said:

Credit to the Aussies in a way for not making more of it.

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They were the ones that put it out there chatting over the stump mic trying to get him stitched up by the media. Scummy thing to do, not surprised our lot are wound up by it.

Yeah, what is all this 'Fairplay to the Aussies for not making more of it' about?

Seen it a lot. Nothing happened, why would they make more of it? They've used it to gain an unfair mental advantage during a game to get under our player's skin and its worked. It served their purpose.

Fuck the Aussies, 'fair play' it most certainly aint!

Have they had tea yet?

Overton in, go on lad

Oh, Joe Root. What were you thinking?!

lordofthepies said:

Oh, Joe Root. What were you thinking?!

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Seemed a wise idea I thought, looks like it wasn't unfortunately.

Somerset to the rescue

Love Joe Root of course but absolute diabolical captaincy putting them into bat.

Once again, nowhere near ruthless enough with the ball and they're going to cruise to 450+. Series over.