League Two's Sexiest Manager: You Won't Believe How Much #4 Spends on Grooming Products!

[Son of Cod]

24: Steve Evans

I haven't looked at all the managers, however it is clear that this is not necessary. The Mansfield manager might be red hot favourite to take his Stags up to League One, but in the Sexy League he will be starting on -30 points. Being 60% bull frog, Evans struggles to control his emotions at times, especially in stressful situations. His angry red face and incoherent warblings unsurprisingly do not endear him to the female community.
Turn ons: Shopping, money, messy break ups
Celebrity Crush: Roman Abramovich
Love style: Slobbery

 

[shoddycollins]

I think we all know who #1 is

 

[Son of Cod]

23: Gary Johnson

2016/17 wasn’t a vintage season for Gary Johnson. Cheltenham were rubbish again, his favourite TV programme The Great British Bake Off controversially announced its departure from the BBC, his marriage came to an abrupt end and his beloved pet ferret, Snowflake, passed away. It all came to a head in March when he signed himself off for a few weeks citing a broken heart as the reason for some mid-season down time. After successful surgery, Johnson has ensured us that he is “single and ready to mingle” once again. When recently quizzed about the validity of rumours of him being on Tinder, a glint flashed across his eyes and he responded by saying “I just swipe right to everyone”. However, judging by his 23rd place this eagerness is not reciprocated. Not that he minds, it is reported that he has stated that in a league that contains the hunky Cowley brothers, he is just happy to be at the table.
Ideal date: Canoodling under the stars on a late spring evening
Favourite rom com: 10 Things I Hate About You
Love style: Affectionate

 

[Richard Cranium]

This thread has potential

 

[shoddycollins]

This thread has potential

agree

Judging from the thread title, Tisdale is 4th.

 

[Son of Cod]

22: John Coleman

John Coleman was a happy man. Content, satisfied and one of the longest serving husbands in all of the land. Then, one day in 2012, a voluptuous lady tempted him by opening her silky legs. Coleman duly obliged and without a seconds thought, he slipped into the dark moist crack of Lady Rochdale. They romped for months until things got boring and sour. Lady Rochdale sobred up and realised John Coleman is quite fat and very bald and that a slightly less fat and ugly bald man was available. She sent him packing and John rebounded hard with a very messy and forgettable relationship with an unsavoury type. Things fizzled out and like all love rats, John eventually found himself back on his old doorstep with his tail between his legs. He’s been back with his original wife for a while now. And it’s fine. Honest, things are fine. She doesn’t mind at all. I mean, he’s not allowed to see his friends ever, he has to come straight home from training every day and she’s got him in an electric tag but anything is better than that year he spent in a mildew stained bedsit in Southport.
Preferred method of finding lovers: Snapchat
Favourite "doing it" song: Mr Boombastic
Love style: Sneaky

 

[GTFCfish]

To be fair to Steve Evans though he doesn't do too bad with the ladies:

 

[Son of Cod]

21: Russell Slade

Some managers would be disappointed at finishing 21st in a 24 man sexy league, however not Russ Slade. “Yesssss! Bonza! YESS YESSS YESSSS!” he whoops in pure delight after discovering his placing. “So, you’re saying I am the sexiest old fat bald manager in the whole division?! It’s been tough leaving a club like Cov and ending up back at Grimsby, I won’t lie to you, but this…THIS is what I came into management for. It’s all about the smiling and clean shaving. Nobody wants to see a miserable looking fluffy golf ball atop a blob in suit. Now don’t get me wrong, Gary Johnson is a lovely bloke but he doesn’t even try to make the ladies feel comfortable. I know that if I wax my head correctly in the morning, flash a smile at a lady and very firmly outline my desires then there is a good chance I'll de-knicker her. My teams play long ball and I adopt the same tactics in the bedroom. If it doesn't work on one, you move onto a slightly uglier one, if it works on her, you try a better looking one next time. And so on until you get to the playoffs. I don't even care if I finish the job off. I just like getting them excited and into the playoffs."
Sexual fantasy: Fingering two girls at once
Dream gal: Mariah Carey
Love style: Direct

 

[Vanni]

'and very firmly outline my desires then there is a good chance I'll de-knicker her'
' If it doesn't work on one, you move onto a slightly uglier one, if it works on her, you try a better looking one next time. And so on'



That's fantastic SOC. Best one so far!

 

[Son of Cod]

'and very firmly outline my desires then there is a good chance I'll de-knicker her'
' If it doesn't work on one, you move onto a slightly uglier one, if it works on her, you try a better looking one next time. And so on'



That's fantastic SOC. Best one so far!

Haha, I thought it was perhaps the weakest one so far but I had to start doing some real work so I just posted it.

 

[Vanni]

Haha, I thought it was perhaps the weakest one so far but I had to start doing some real work so I just posted it.

I really think it's the best one so far, but tbqfh,I wasn't going to tell you anything, and also refrain from liking your post. See pal, I was checking out what CrazyImp meant when he said he knew all about about this 'cult of personality' thingy, so I googled up some info and now I'm more confused than I was before. On Wiki - that great fountain of knowledge - there's references to Chairman Kim II-sung and other infamous leaders like Stalin, associated with this thing and I got kinda scared if you know what I mean.

Hope you don't this the wrong way, but I think you can understand why I'm concerned.

 

[Son of Cod]

I really think it's the best one so far, but tbqfh,I wasn't going to tell you anything, and also refrain from liking your post. See pal, I was checking out what CrazyImp meant when he said he knew all about about this 'cult of personality' thingy, so I googled up some info and now I'm more confused than I was before. On Wiki - that great fountain of knowledge - there's references to Chairman Kim II-sung and other infamous leaders like Stalin, associated with this thing and I got kinda scared if you know what I mean.

Hope you don't this the wrong way, but I think you can understand why I'm concerned.

Oh! I thought he was getting overly excited and making no sense. I didn't even think to Google it, will also have to read up on this...

 

[Vanni]

Oh! I thought he was getting overly excited and making no sense. I didn't even think to Google it, will also have to read up on this...

You do realise I'm not being serious do you?

I'm well aware what 'c.o.p.' means. I just don't think it's a fitting description is all, since this place is a footy forum and therefore #bantz.

 

[Son of Cod]

You do realise I'm not being serious do you?

I'm well aware what 'c.o.p.' means. I just don't think it's a fitting description is all, since this place is a footy forum and therefore #bantz.

I genuinely hadn't heard this phrase until CrazyImp lavished it upon me. Having quickly read up on it, he's rumbled me though. I am one of the Kim family, Danny Cowley is the South and Ross from Friends gifs and Fry from Futurama memes are my mass media.

 

[GTFCfish]

Son of Cod will be on around 3000 likes by the time this thread is finished.

 

[lordofthepies]

Son of Cod will be on around 3000 likes by the time this thread is finished.

Yeah, I bet he was delighted with himself when he came up with this idea.

 

[Son of Cod]

Haha I'm not doing this for likes, I'm doing it for the pre-season lull. I'll be the first to admit that the Song World Cup was merely a cash cow for likes, though. Also, this thread was Paul Haddock's idea.

 

[PaulHaddock]

all likes posted to paulhaddock's house please.

 

[PaulHaddock]

I actually went and ordered my own list of L2 managers and surprisingly, Slade finished about 6-7 from the bottom; there are some right bulldogs in this league!

 

[Son of Cod]

I actually went and ordered my own list of L2 managers and surprisingly, Slade finished about 6-7 from the bottom; there are some right bulldogs in this league!

What about Coleman and Johnson? And who did you have top?

 

[PaulHaddock]

Coleman 21st, Johnson 23rd. Harry Kewell finished 1st.

 

[Trapdoor]

Russell Slade is an early contender for post of the year.

 

[JaseTheVillain]

Russell Slade is an early contender for post of the year.

Early? We're already halfway through it!

 

[GTFCfish]

I actually went and ordered my own list of L2 managers and surprisingly, Slade finished about 6-7 from the bottom; there are some right bulldogs in this league!

I see what you mean, fuckinghell!

http://www.thesackrace.com/managers/league-two

 

[shoddycollins]

“So, you’re saying I am the sexiest old fat bald manager in the whole division?!"

Poor Russel is going to be disappointed when he realises John McGreal isn't that much younger than him.

 

[shoddycollins]

I see what you mean, fuckinghell!

http://www.thesackrace.com/managers/league-two

Gary Caldwell's eyes are far too close together.

 

[cufc17]

Kewell is surely up there, Curle and Tisdale would make up my top 3. The future England manager is upper midtable material.

John Coleman's 'Preferred method of finding lovers: Snapchat'

 

[Son of Cod]

20: Darren Way

Towards the end of his Manchester United days, Luke Chadwick was loaned out a few times. They sent him to nice interesting places. Reading at first. He always liked Reading. People didn’t laugh in his face in Reading, like they did in Manchester. Then, they sent him to Antwerp. Luke Chadwick loved his time in Belgium. Antwerp wasn’t too far from the Flemish community of Vlaanderen, where there was a thriving opera scene. Chadwick became enthralled with the vibrancy of the stage. He started taking ballet classes and was finally feeling like he was becoming the real Luke Chadwick. However, Manchester United recalled him and sent him on a second domestic loan. To Burnley. Burnley was everything Antwerp was not. The height of cultural references from the citizens of Burnley was The Goonies and people would regularly stop Chadwick in the street and loudly impersonate the character Sloth from said film at him and shout into his face about how Sloth wouldn’t have been loaned out to Reading if he played for Manchester United. Burnley was a cruel city for Chadwick. Squat, grey and uninviting. He was tired of being labelled as the ugliest footballer of all time so in the summer of 2004, when he was in heat, he set about mating with the ugliest woman he could find. The baby was hideous, which pleased Chadwick. Chadwick named his grotesque baby Darren Way and began training him to be a professional footballer immediately. Chadwick’s plan was to ensure that his son would become the ugliest footballer of all time. Chadwick was, however, unaware that his own mangled face was a by-product of his own bitterness and insecurities. Darren Way was growing up to be a happy little boy who loved to play football. The happier he grew, the less ugly his face developed. Chadwick, sensing that Darren was close to becoming less ugly than himself, became enraged. On his 11th birthday Chadwick put Darren in a box that was almost exactly the same shape and size as him, thus meaning that Darren Way would no longer see sunlight nor would he ever grow into a fully sized adult. Chadwick opened the box 18 years later and banished his son to Yeovil, where the ugly deformed man shoehorned into the body of a malnourished pre-pubescent child somehow carved out a reasonable lower league career as a tough tackling central midfielder. Once again, Darren’s beast like face began to remedy itself through the solace he found in football. Chadwick, again enraged, opted for more drastic measures. He drove down to Yeovil and deliberately ran Darren Way off the side of the road, causing a huge accident. Darren Way’s football career was over, but what Luke Chadwick hadn’t banked on was that Darren Way’s face couldn’t possibly get any worse and the impact from the big smash actually knocked his facial features into their correct places thus making him way more handsome than Chadwick. Nowadays, Darren Way looks relatively normal. However, Yeovil folklore suggests that should you pass by the Way household on a full moon and dare to glance high onto the rooftop, then you will see a ghastly misshapen previous incarnation of Darren Way howling “FATHER? WHHYYYY?!” into the night sky.
Favourite thing about being in love: Snuggles
Most frequently visited adult site: Spankwire
Love style: Industrious

 

[Luke Imp]

Big question is, will the Cowleys come under one seen as they're effectively joint managers? Or will they be split and occupy 1st and 2nd spot?

 

[Son of Cod]

Big question is, will the Cowleys come under one seen as they're effectively joint managers? Or will they be split and occupy 1st and 2nd spot?

The rubbish one isn't on the list, as he isn't actually manager is he? Officially?