1FF Wars 3.5

[SUTSS]

Character info will go out tonight. Tournament information may go out tonight but will probably go out tomorrow.

 

[SUTSS]

Farce Count:1

I had Roxy on my list twice with two different sets of information. When Dukes of Haddock scouted her I gave one set, when they drafted I gave the other set. There isn't a huge difference between them so in the interest of fairness I will let them pick which version they want.

 

[SUTSS]

I'll give a run through of the Mayock draft board and how it was decided when I do the tournament details as well.

 

[PaulHaddock]

We'll take the 12BR- thanks very much for the offer.

 

[Spirederman]

Haddock you shit house.

 

[hodge]

Haddock you shit house.

Just jelly because SUTSS didn't make a farce of your draft pick

 

[SUTSS]

To recap how the tournament works:

There will be 8 groups of 3. Every character will fight the other 2 in their group and the top one will go through. Ties are settled by a play off. Best character ties are settled by who had the hardest matches, if they are still tied then there is a play off. There are no abilities in this tournament. Wages are also not taken this week so you will start next week on £1m. You will not draw one of your own characters in the group stage.

 

[Ciderhead]

Will characters lose HP if they lose a fight?

 

[SUTSS]

No HP lost. No BR gained (unless by winning one of the awards)

 

[SUTSS]

So, Mike Mayock's draft order is to follow. It was decided by me explaining the game to my flatmate and then him choosing which characters he thought would be best (I think a couple of teams have been surprised by the rating of their character once they've seen them and this is why). The order was:

Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon

Nessie

GAIA

Songbird

Booker DeWitt

Aloy

Emily Kaldwin

Donald Trump

Barack Obama

Paige

Erlich Bachman

Roxanne Morton

Robert The Tire

Patty

The Lone Wanderer

Thomasin

Clementine

Eskarina Smith

Sean Bean

Rowdy Ricky Knight

Karl Pilkington

Ronald "Mac" McDonald

Charlie Kelly

Mindhorn

 

[SUTSS]

Group A:
Erlich Bachman 4BR 3HP 1D6 (Team Tennis Twat)
Clementine 5BR 3HP 1D8 (Undrafted)
Mindhorn 3BR 3HP 1D6 (2 Dicks and a Dom)

Group B:
Eskarina Smith 3BR 3HP 1D6 (Team Tennis Twat)
Paige [WAW/WWE] 12BR 3HP 1D6 (#MakeMeatBoyGreatAgain)
Booker DeWitt 15BR 3HP 1D6 (Dukes of Haddock)

Group C:
GAIA 1BR 3HP 1D6 (Dukes of Haddock)
Sean Bean 10BR 3HP 1BR (Undrafted)
Karl Pilkington 3BR 3HP 1D6 (Undrafted)

Group D:
Songbird 16BR 3HP 1D6 (#MakeMeatBoyGreatAgain)
Aloy 15BR 3HP 1D6 (2 Dicks and a Dom)
Rowdy Ricky Knight 10BR 3HP 1D6 (Undrafted)

Group E:
Donald Trump [USA! USA! USA!] 6BR 5HP 1D6 (#MakeMeatBoyGreatAgain)
Nessie [Supernatural] – 18BR 3BR 1D6 (Nottarf Krap)
Barack Obama [USA! USA! USA!] 6BR 3HP 1D6 (2 Dicks and a Dom)

Group F:
Robert The Tire - 4BR 5HP 1D6 (Undrafted)
Charlie Kelly 3BR 3HP 1D6 (Undrafted)
The Lone Wanderer – 5BR 5HP 1D6 (Team Tennis Twat)

Group G:
Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon - 17BR 3HP 1D6 (Nottarf Krap)
Roxanne Morton 12BR 3HP 1D6 (Dukes of Haddock)
Emily Kaldwin – 12BR 3HP 1D6 (Undrafted)

Group H:
Patty [Supernatural] 13BR 3BR 1D6 (Nottarf Krap)
Thomasin 6BR 3HP 1D6 (Undrafted)
Ronald ‘Mac’ McDonald 3BR 3HP 1D6 (Undrafted)

 

[The Hand of Dom]

Nessie has pissed her group

 

[SUTSS]

Fight 1: Erlich v Clementine
Fight 2: Esk v Paige
Fight 3: GAIA v Sean Bean
Fight 4: Songbird v Aloy
Fight 5: Donald Trump v Nessie
Fight 6: Robert The Tire v Charlie Kelly
Fight 7: Ciri v Roxy Morton
Fight 8: Patty v Thomasin
Fight 9: Erlich v Mindhorn
Fight 10: Esk v Booker DeWitt
Fight 11: GAIA v Karl Pilkington
Fight 12: Songbird v Rowdy Ricky Knight
Fight 13: Donald Trump v Barack Obama
Fight 14: Robert The Tire v The Lone Wanderer
Fight 15: Ciri v Emily Kaldwin
Fight 16: Patty v Robert "Mac" McDonald
Fight 17:Clementine v Mindhorn
Fight 18: Paige v Booker DeWitt
Fight 19: Sean Bean v Karl Pilkington
Fight 20: Aloy v Rowdy Ricky Knight
Fight 21: Nessie v Barack Obama
Fight 22: Charlie Kelly v The Lone Wanderer
Fight 23: Roxy Morton v Emily Kaldwin
Fight 24: Thomasin v Robert "Mac" McDonald.

 

[SUTSS]

Fights 1-4 will be out tonight. Then will try to do 8-12 a night until we're done.

 

[SUTSS]

Fight 1: Erlich Bachman 4BR 3HP 1D6 (Team Tennis Twat) v Clementine 5BR 3HP 1D8 (Undrafted)
Erlich comes at Clementine fast. Fists flying everywhere. As he withdraws Clementine is standing there unharmed, she pulls out a gun and shoots Erlich.
Clementine wins.

Fight 2: Eskarina Smith 3BR 3HP 1D6 (Team Tennis Twat) v Paige [WAW/WWE] 12BR 3HP 1D6 (#MakeMeatBoyGreatAgain)
This one is over before it starts as Esk can't get anywhere near Paige before she is slammed into the ground. This is a walkover of grand proportions.

Fight 3: GAIA 1BR 3HP 1D6 (Dukes of Haddock) v Sean Bean 10BR 3HP 1BR (Undrafted)
This is a surprisingly close fight as Sean Bean rolled ridiculously awfully but even then it wasn't enough for GAIA and Sean Bean manages the victory.

Fight 4: Songbird 16BR 3HP 1D6 (#MakeMeatBoyGreatAgain) v Aloy 15BR 3HP 1D6 (2 Dicks and a Dom)
Definitely the highlight of this fight card. Two evenly matched fighters who will both be looking to go far in this competition.

Songbird spreads his wings and swoops in and knocks Aloy off her feet. She struggles back up but is knocked down again almost immediately.

Aloy gets out the way of the next strike and fires two arrows quickly but Songbird blocks both with his wing.

Songbird sweeps in again and Aloy just gets out of the way. She draws an arrow back and fires it.


It...




hits...




Songbird's...




eye and he falls. Aloy wins!

 

[Spirederman]

Yeeeeesssss Aloy!!

 

[HarvSFC]

Group E:
Donald Trump [USA! USA! USA!] 6BR 5HP 1D6 (#MakeMeatBoyGreatAgain)
Nessie [Supernatural] – 18BR 3BR 1D6 (Nottarf Krap)
Barack Obama [USA! USA! USA!] 6BR 3HP 1D6 (2 Dicks and a Dom)


Group G:
Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon - 17BR 3HP 1D6 (Nottarf Krap)
Roxanne Morton 12BR 3HP 1D6 (Dukes of Haddock)
Emily Kaldwin – 12BR 3HP 1D6 (Undrafted)

Group H:
Patty [Supernatural] 13BR 3BR 1D6 (Nottarf Krap)
Thomasin 6BR 3HP 1D6 (Undrafted)
Ronald ‘Mac’ McDonald 3BR 3HP 1D6 (Undrafted)

Oh wow. Cheers SUTSS.

SUTSS > LR.

 

[Leewilson]

Not going to be our tournament this. We draft 3 featherweights and then one of them gets fortunately put in a group of other featherweights. Then he bloody loses anyway.

 

[Spirederman]

Group C:
GAIA 1BR 3HP 1D6 (Dukes of Haddock)
Sean Bean 10BR 3HP 1BR (Undrafted)
Karl Pilkington 3BR 3HP 1D6 (Undrafted)

You might have got 12BR Roxanne DOH but it was a trade off for a 1BR GAIA

 

[hodge]

You might have got 12BR Roxanne DOH but it was a trade off for a 1BR GAIA

 

[SUTSS]

Fight 5: Donald Trump [USA! USA! USA!] 6BR 5HP 1D6 (#MakeMeatBoyGreatAgain) v Nessie [Supernatural] – 18BR 3BR 1D6 (Nottarf Krap)
Nessie extends her neck and drives it down hard toward the Donald but he manages to dodge. He dodges again and again and again. Despite his strange views on exercise being bad for you the Donald is putting all into his fight here. He tries to strike back but Nessie doesn't feel anything. She pulls back for one final devastating blow...

and...



she...






...








MISSES!




Donald jumps on the opportunity and taking one of his golf club's smashes Nessie over the head and knocking her out cold!

In an amazing upset, Donald Trump has defeated Nessie!


Fight 6: Robert The Tire - 4BR 5HP 1D6 (Undrafted) v Charlie Kelly 3BR 3HP 1D6 (Undrafted)
A fight between a tire and a janitor at a bar. It's what we all play Wars for. This is a close one but ultimately Robert is thrown back out onto the street and Charlie Kelly is the victor!

Fight 7: Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon - 17BR 3HP 1D6 (Nottarf Krap) v Roxanne Morton 12BR 3HP 1D6 (Dukes of Haddock)
Can Ciri regain some pride for Nottarf Krap who must be reeling after the Nessie defeat?
A flurry of fists, guns and swords ensue. Ciri is determined not to let the team down but Roxy is matching her with every attack. The first one of these to make a mistake will ultimately lose. And the that person is...


...



...



Roxy.


Roxy lunges forward but Ciri parries her attack and lands a beautiful counter to win the tie!

(They both rolled really badly and I thought Ciri would lose this for NK but somehow Roxy managed to roll less)


Fight 8: Patty [Supernatural] 13BR 3BR 1D6 (Nottarf Krap) v Thomasin 6BR 3HP 1D6 (Undrafted)
Nottarf Krap's third fight of this round and another that they will be expecting to win but they have learnt the hard way so far that nothing is assured in 1FF Wars.

Patty has the size and the weight advantage going into this but Thomasin uses her small stature to great effect and dodges and weaves and wears Patty out. In her desperation Patty throws a weariful punch...



and...



it...





connects!




Knocking Thomasin to the ground. She tries to get up but...






Patty is on the offensive now...





and...







She delivers the winning blow!

Patty defeats Thomasin!

(NK have had 3 crap rolls here. Patty and Thomasin both rolled 1 for BR so it was just on the dice where Thomasin rolled a 5 but Patty managed to roll a 6)

 

[Ciderhead]

Bloody Russians

 

[HarvSFC]

Oh wow. Cheers SUTSS.

SUTSS > LR.

I will retract this statement!

 

[Spirederman]

Fucking shock result. Hope Barack can do the same!!

 

[The Hand of Dom]

Hahaha. Amazing. That's Nessie's bad luck done so Obama is done for.

(Unless Nessie turns out like that bloody UFO!)

 

[Oaf]

Our teams loves Scotland. Ask anybody, they'll all tell you. We're the best at loving Scotland. Nobody loves Scotland like we do. We even own a golf course there. People say that Nessie is from Scotland? WRONG. Nessie doesn't really like Scotland. Nessie is a liar and an awful, awful person. People are surprised that Trump won. We're not. We're used to winning. We're bored with it. People are writing to us all of the time saying "#MMGA, what the hell is this? Can we stop winning for just a second? We're getting fed up with winning!".

 

[Spirederman]

Made me laugh a lot more than it should have done Oaf

 

[Spirederman]

Surely it's time for Mindhorn to show you doubters just how fucking wrong you were.

He's gonna piss his Group Of Death.

 

[SUTSS]

Next 4 fights up in about 10 minutes.

 

[SUTSS]

Fight 9: Erlich Bachman 4BR 3HP 1D6 (Team Tennis Twat) v Mindhorn 3BR 3HP 1D6 (2 Dicks and a Dom)
Erlich tried his hardest to get a win here but Spirederman must've given Mindhorn some drugs before this game as he is unstoppable and takes the win!

Fight 10: Eskarina Smith 3BR 3HP 1D6 (Team Tennis Twat) v Booker DeWitt 15BR 3HP 1D6 (Dukes of Haddock)
This looked one sided on paper but...


....



...



...



Then Esk rolled snake eyes and it was even more one sided than it looked at first. Booker wins.

Fight 11: GAIA 1BR 3HP 1D6 (Dukes of Haddock) v Karl Pilkington 3BR 3HP 1D6 (Undrafted)
GAIA and Karl Pilkington are inseparable here. It's a tie!

Fight 12: Songbird 16BR 3HP 1D6 (#MakeMeatBoyGreatAgain) v Rowdy Ricky Knight 10BR 3HP 1D6 (Undrafted)
Songbird could be a big hitter going out early if he loses this. He flies in low screeching but Ricky manages to side step. Songbird comes again but Ricky keeps dodging.

He doesn't dodge the next one...



he counters it!...



Suplexing Songbird into the ground. Songbird can't get up. Ricky Knight wins!