Non-League TV Shows

[Cheese & Biscuits]

I ran a few of these threads back in the TFF days and I thought it would be good to bring them back for a bit of fun. Basically, the idea is to think of TV shows that link to non-league in some way, putting a (hopefully) comedic slant to the descriptions.

For example:
Dixon of Forest Green: Dixon is asked to investigate the strange goings on in a small, Gloucestershire village. All the meat has disappeared as well as millions of pounds of money. Can Dixon work out how a PL budget still resides in NL?

Come Dine with McNulty: McNulty challenges members of the public to an eat-all-you-can buffet contest. Can anybody out-eat our resident chunk?

Woking of the Hill: A fly-on-the-wall documentary following the mundane life of Garry Hill as he tries to make ends meet with Woking's £5,000 a year budget. It also follows him to his therapy sessions where a 0-9 home loss to Hereford still gives him sleepless nights.

As I used to say with these, there is only one rule, take it in the spirit it is intended and no complaining if you don't like what's written about your club.

Over to you. I hope you can do better than my efforts.

 

[Son of Cod]

Dutton Dressed as Lamb
Eastbourne striker Brian Dutton attempts to infiltrate Tamworth by posing within various roles at the club with the sole aim of sabotaging their season.

 

[PaulHaddock]

Gateheads
Quiz teams from across the country go up against Gateshead's smartest five players. Prizes include a 2-year contract.

Secret Meaters
Footballing pair Jon Parkin and Matt Rhead can't understand why they're so big. They think they eat healthy but what are they really putting in their mouths?

Hyde and Prejudice
Hyde manager Darren Kelly must deal with the fact that no one wants to play for Hyde. He goes about the north-west of England campaigning against the people, his aim to make Hyde likeable once again.

 

[Sparrow]

As I used to say with these, there is only one rule, take it in the spirit it is intended and no complaining if you don't like what's written about your club.

Lol. Good luck with that one. No jokes allowed on this forum.

 

[B2TF]

Last Tango in Halifax
A troubled Yorkshire romance between a bluff Tyke and a reluctant old lady who's seen better days. Will true love prevail, will she drop her knickers and give herself wholeheartedly to Big Billy or will she send Billy packing? Who knows, she's a crazy bitch and no one can predict what she'll do next. She's seen off more suiters than a taylor on Savile Row. But that's what makes her irresistable for any young lothario out to make a name for himself. Tune in to see how long Big Billy can ride the dragon.

 

[Murphy]

Last of the Summer Whine

Various groups of supporters take turns each week moaning about the level of away support in a 'Points of view' style Sunday morning show.

 

[AnimoEtFide]

Breaking Brodie
When respectable meth cook and family man Richard Brodie is diagnosed with an inoperable personality disorder he turns to the seedy and dangerous world of semi-professional football in order to raise money for treatment. A powerful portrayal of one man's move from club to club as he loses the battle not to be a mard arse c**t.

 

[The Jovial Forester]

Game of Throw-ins

Nobody in a tight Braintree - Woking encounter seems to want to get the ball down and pass it.

 

[AnimoEtFide]

The Animals of Boreham Wood
When Boreham Wood is knocked down and converted into a car park for a London's newest Westfield in neighbouring Barnet, the football club is forced to leave its home. This gripping documentary captures the daily struggle for survival faced by London's nomadic non-league clubs. Series cancelled after one episode when no-one really noticed nor cared.

 

[FGRJC]

Can't pay we'll take Halifax away.
A one hour special of how not to run a football club, stupid investments, terrible chairman and a bunch of fans that think history means you invincible! Also includes hilarious outtakes from the 15/16 season when Halifax attempted to play football.

 

[Cheese & Biscuits]

Escape to the Cunttree: Teams of opposing fans take it in turns to hurl abuse at Dale Vince. The aim of the game is to make him fuck off and live in a tree.

 

[Chris FGR]

The Walking Dead: Dagenham once Glenn Tamplin takes over.

 

[Aberstone]

Jimmy'll Fix It

Following financial troubles and a poor start to the league season, follow Jimmy Bullard's quest to turn around the fortunes of Leatherhead Football Club.

 

[Cheese & Biscuits]

To 'T' or not to 'T': Solihull fans have half an hour, a flip chart and a Sharpie and they have to convince a panel that they are called Solihull Moors and not Solihull Motors. Can they do it?

 

[The Jovial Forester]

Countryfile

Live traffic cams on the Nympsfield Road bring exciting footage of crowds leaving the New Lawn throughout the season.

 

[The Jovial Forester]

Pobol y Cwm

Long-running Welsh soap opera set at Wrexham, popular with the locals but incomprehensible to most of the rest of the country.

 

[Sparrow]

Top Frear
A two-part documentary on one of the most overrated wingers in the National League attempting to leave Forest Green for rivals Cheltenham.

 

[Chris FGR]

Cowboy Builders, Skyex stadium (Hayes and Yeading) special: Self explanatory.

 

[Chris FGR]

Coach trip: A one off treat for Torquay United players.

 

[The Jovial Forester]

Bodyshockers

Top training tips from non-league legends Rhead and McNulty. Not the same since Parkin left.

 

[Sparrow]

Pointless
Contestants aim to name the Guiseley 2016-17 squad that picked up their first point of the season after 8 games.

 

[The_Boss]

Shit British Menu
Local food critic Dale Vince tours the country looking for the most disgusting veggie plates available. Early episodes see Dale get no further than Gloucester as he looks to convert all the local butchers into firm Veggie fans, however trouble is on the horizon as 'Big' Jon Parkin threatens to release confidential information of what really were the ingredients in the New Lawn's veggieburgers.

Tipping Point
Non League fat boys Rhead and McNulty, oh you get the idea..........

 

[PaulHaddock]

The X-Fylde
Dave Challinor must save the Earth whilst finishing second in the Conference North.

 

[AnimoEtFide]

The Dire
Drama exposing how thousands of innocent football fans lives are blighted by non-league football's never-ending cycle of grief and misery. Neither critically-acclaimed nor award-winning.

 

[Aberstone]

Mr Brown's Boys

In this new sitcom starring Terry Brown, follow Terry on matchday's as he attempts to rejuvenate a youthful full-time Basingstoke Town side from avoiding a second successive relegation.

Warning: This programme contains strong language.

 

[The Jovial Forester]

Deadwood

Live coverage of all the January transfers.

 

[Cheese & Biscuits]

Taggart (There's been a merger): Jim Taggart faces a race against the clock to try and stop Dagenham & Redbridge swallowing up the whole of East London and Essex. Will he be able to solve the clues to reveal the next target? Will this relentless spread of football clubs stop? Tune in to find out.

 

[PaulHaddock]

Scrapheap Challenge
Newly released footballers battle for a contract at Bromley. Presented by Richard Hill.

 

[Murphy]

Taggart (There's been a merger): Jim Taggart faces a race against the clock to try and stop Dagenham & Redbridge swallowing up the whole of East London and Essex. Will he be able to solve the clues to reveal the next target? Will this relentless spread of football clubs stop? Tune in to find out.

See also: Are You Being Merged?

 

[The Jovial Forester]

I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here

Various ex-league giants can't believe they're still stuck in this tinpot league.